Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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