did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How naked do you want me to be?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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