I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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