Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
