I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
