Sry I called you an 8
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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