No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
