I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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