it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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