she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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