Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
