he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
