Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
