I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
