Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
