Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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