dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
