I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
