oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
