____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
