I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
