I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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