His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Come on in and take your pants off
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