Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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