Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
