I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
