Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
