whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
