margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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