i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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