just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm both gender and math confused
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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