Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
