The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
