I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The feeling are messing with the penis
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
