Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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