last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
