oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
