i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
