Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
