so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
