How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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