she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
