please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
