Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
