Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
