This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
