They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
