I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
