OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
