just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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