wanna go halves on a baby?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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