Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
