I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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