Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
