I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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