Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
